i jhust puked up my retainher.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
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