I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
