last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the day after is always just damage control
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
