Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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