very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
