i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
