Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
