how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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