End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
