The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
