Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
