4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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