i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
