Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
