his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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