I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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