My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
