I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
