oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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