I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
