I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
