I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
