I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
