apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
