It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
