I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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