its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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