): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
