God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
