Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
