this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
