WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
