blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
