omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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