So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
MIDGETS
????
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
