I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
