I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we're so committed to being not committed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
