A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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