bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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