i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
