Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
soo... how was my night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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