Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
