Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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