seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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