He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
