I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
