why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
