Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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