I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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