We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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