what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
