she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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